Dividing Our Love & Attention for Our Kids

If you are parents of more than 1 child, have you ever thought about how to divide your love and attention amongst your kids? Will one get more than the other? I worried over it when I was having my 2nd son. I worried about when I was carrying my little girl. And I'm still worrying and very conscious about how I treat my kids. Would my 2nd son Raymund be a victim of middle child syndrome (I discussed this earlier). I do not want any of my kids growing up feeling 'left out' or worst still, 'loved less' by their parents.

It's not surprising really. Not liken to Gods, humans are not all wise all fair - favoritism happens all the time. The question is how bad and how obvious and are we consciously trying to avoid it. After all, my kids are my life my dream - imagine parents-inflicted misery on them. Can't stomach that!

I have asked some of my friends who are neither the eldest nor youngest. Some actually said that the middle child syndrome is very real. They felt it and to this day (adults now), they are still carrying it close to heart. Most of them just accepted it. Were their parents showing obvious favoritism or was it simply a focus of attention for the eldest to set example for his/her siblings and the youngest simply because he/she needs more care. The middles are just left to 'follow' and ride along the waves. Can love and attention then ride along waves? Personally I don't think so. I had never experienced this. There is only my brother and I - no middles. So when I have 3 kids, I began to think about it.

My husband and I actually fell into the earlier mentioned situation - eldest for setting example and studies and youngest because she is the baby and only girl in the family. As a result, my little Raymund became very close with our maid who has been taking care of him since 1 month old. The fact that he is hyper and always in mischief didn't help. As he grew older, we began noticing that he fought to get our love and attention - just at a tender age of 2 and half years. How sad! Luckily we realized it before it is too late. We began paying more attention to him and have more body contacts - kids love to be hugged and held. Then we noticed that the eldest was quiet and watching. And then the youngest baby demanded attention. It goes on. So, how as parents do we divide our love and attention?

To us, Just one thing.

When we praise one, we praise all. When we scold one, we scold all. And we hug one, we hug all. We try to be conscious of their feelings and expressions. As for the youngest, we try to explain to the 2 older brothers that she is still a baby. Very soon, this wouldn't work :( Part and parcel of being a parent. It's no easy task. Anyhow, as parents, I feel that we must always tell our kids how much we love them and that we are proud of them. Hugs and kisses are good. After all, they are our precious kids :) I'm not a great parent but I want to be good enough for them :)