Handphone for kids. Not to Show Off.

It bothers me a lot each time I take my young children out for a spin. I'm very particular about holding my children's hands when we are in malls and about. I've seen moms and dads shopping, fully absorb in their selection of purchase and left their toddlers wondering about alone. Do they ever wander what if their young children are lost or worse, kidnapped? They will be lost forever.

Unlike the bigger kids, toddlers can barely say their full name, much less parents names, address and phone numbers. If they are lost, what can they do? Shout and cry? Today, even if kids cry, I don't see a lot of concerned people going forward to help. Just stare and walk passed... probably show concerned from afar. Then we hear scary stories about kids who didn't even have a chance to shout and cry. The unfortunate kids were chloroformed, carried into toilets, had their hair shaved and their clothes changed. So what if we can describe the child.

I get very upset when I see parents leaving their kids wondering about and they walked ahead and unconcerned. This 'It wouldn't happen to me la' attitude was probably the same with the parents of some of the poor victims. A few weeks back, I was at MidValley Megamall walking along the shops on Level G. Suddenly, I saw this very young boy about 3-4 years old walking pass quickly and crying very loudly. No adults were around him or acted as if he was with them. He looked lost. I stopped him and asked if he was lost. He didn't reply and continued to walk. Only then, I noticed ahead more than 20 feet away, a couple looked back embarrassed and waited for the kid to catch up with them. I was quite pissed over the ignorance of this young couple. It only takes a second for an ill intentioned person to pick this boy up and carry him away. Don't they know that? They were so far away. If they want to teach their kid a lesson, go home 1st and don't risk his safety. What were they thinking of!

You can say I'm paranoid but the world ain't that safe. It is just that some are lucky and some are not. I prefer to play it safe than be sorry. I used to have terrifying nightmare of losing my kids to kidnappers. Once they are lost, they are gone forever - not knowing who to call, our full names and address. Tags on them are good but not sustainable. They are my precious kids and there is no way I can risk them. I'm quite anal about having 1 person to 1 kid when we go out. Hand holding is a must. If not, they can walk alone but the adult must be just next to him. That's only for Ryan and not the 2 younger ones.

I have my boys then memorize Daddy and Mummy's handphone number. I gave an old phone to Ryan to carry when we go out. Still trying to get one for Raymund. Purely for security reasons. It is not a show off to have kids carrying handphone. I taught them how to use it. Had some chats with them on what they must do when they are lost. In fact, Raymund got so excited over it and has been calling me every day at work ever since. I'm ok. It's lovely to hear from my kids while at work. I don't brush them off. As for my girl, she is too young to memorize. She just has to stick very close. And she wears an anklet with little bells on it.

Very soon, I'll have them memorize our address too.

Bad Words. No No to Kids

I don't know about you but swear words is quite normal with my peers and colleagues. Not the colourful chinese version but the usual 4-letter ones like s---, f---, damn, stupid. Quite uncontrollable when someone irritates me on the road. My husband and I work and worked in places where people are quite liberal with their language. A form of expression and punctuation. Even stressing opinions a bit. Normal for grown ups BUT no no for kids.

I didn't realize initially that we have to watch our language when kids are around until one day I noticed that they were attentive and absorbing our language. That was when we were driving and then we heard echo of the words behind. Oops. You see when you say a simple something and followed by the likes of s--- or f--- or what the hell, it comes with a very expressive and somewhat exciting sounding. Of course what! That's when we let loose mah. But kids find it interesting and they absorb. Mine did. My Raymund has to be most foul mouthed 4 year old around :(. He is innovative enough to combine 2 like words and form things like 'stupid shit'. Nothing to be proud about but coming from a little fella, it is actually very amusing but as parents, we are trying not to show. Yep we are bad parents :(

I told Ryan that he cannot say bad words. Why? Mummy and Daddy also say what! Erm... I had a brilliant idea then. I just said children cannot say. You are only 4 years old (then!) and you can say when you turn 21 ... haha! I buy a good 16 years. That got him settled.

But Raymund, he is the younger one and definitely more mischievous one. Raymund was happily saying 'stupid shit' just the other day. I scolded and said no! Sort of did the trick but I realized soon after that I was the one that kena. He was clever enough to use it INNOCENTLY (and that's definitely staged) with a string of questions like 'Why I cannot say stupid shit?' ..'Only Daddy and Mummy can say stupid shit ah?' 'Is stupid shit a bad word' 'Can xxx say stupid shit?'... blah blah. I wanted to scold sternly but that was tough. I saw through his 'strategy'. He figured that by asking these innocently constructed questions, he could con his parents in thinking he wants to know why but in fact, it was his brilliant idea of getting away with repeatedly saying these words again and again. As if he wants to know the answers to these questions. Smart! But ... sigh!

So, we have to watch what we say. They absorb like sponge especially when it sounds fun.

I can't imagine if he says that to his teacher in school. What will they think of him? And his parents, us...kurang ajar!

Working. A Means to An End.

Anti climax! After a blissful 2 and a half weeks, it's time to get back to work trow. My husband and I are feeling slightly low since we were always looking forward to the next day of quality time with family. But face it, we have to get back to work. Lotsa work pending. Can't imagine how my week will be like.

Why I decided to talk about this topic. More so because the air is seeping out of a nice balloon... metaphorically speaking. No don't me wrong. I actually like my job. It's just that sometimes people and politics get on my nerves. I have been in the work force well exceeding 10 years ...and don't start counting my age :). Seen enough of my share to appreciate home life.

The early part of it, when I was young and single, I was very focused on building experience and learning. I worked till very late in the night and got home around midnight. After all, I was young, and no dependents. Staying with my parents, all I have to take care of is my expenses. Probably why I was reluctant to get married early. Too comfortable.

Then life took a turn. I got married and had a honeymoon baby. My priorities started to change. Not immediate but gradual. That's probably why I regretted not seeing to Ryan's early development and now have to play catch up. The nanny despite her lack of responsibilities fitted our late work schedule. At this point, to whoever who is reading this, my point is while we work, do not take things for granted especially to your family and kids. And don't ever under estimate the importance of a child's early development. It affects him subsequently. We were young and ignorant. Looking on the bright side, we realized it later and still have time to fix it.

Goals change when you have little ones who depend on you. Fully and wholly depend on you. That shift things quite a bit. Balance of life becomes so very important. While we hit the road running when at work, we draw a line at a certain time latest 8pm to come home to our family. My husband and I have an understanding not to disturb each other during work hours as our work is very demanding. But we draw a line. Our children are very upset when they don't see us and put them in bed. Vice versa. That's why we don't like after work entertainment and such as well as weekend functions and events. While duty calls, we are able to manage occasionally. But to us, that is family time which is just 2 days in a week to rest and play with our kids.

How then do I work out my time when I have loads of work. Delivery is still a must. I have an understanding again with my boss from the on set of my recruitment. I promise delivery but if you don't see me working late in the office does not mean no commitment. I will manage after my cut off at work and then settling my children and my husband after that at home... then only I continue working later in the night. Tiring but I prefer it that way as I get the best of both worlds. The same with my husband. So, it works out.

As I aged :(, I feel that ambitions are still ambitions but in reality, it is a means to an end. Supporting and providing for my family. I don't like politics and neither am I competing with anyone. I'd like a good payoff during bonus and come home celebrating. I have been and still is in a high stress and political heavy organization and simply hate that part of it even though the functional part is good. A real dog eat dog world. No colleague is a true friend when it comes to actualizing their career goals. That's why they say it's lonely up there. My feng shui sifu told me to relax and don't take it too close to heart. Relax and enjoy what's more important. For health and happiness if not for anything else. I'm trying to follow that advice. My husband too.

Raymund in Enopi Already

In fact, I feel that I started Raymund late. Ryan started Enopi when we was half way thru Year 4. I just only started Enopi for Raymund. I'm not showing favoritism. But Ryan was a slow starter. He only started speaking in Year 4 and before was all baby babbles. Long story there. As a second child, Raymund picks up from his kor kor and Rachel picks up from both. So naturally, the fastest learner is my girl. This is quite normal and I see this is another household too. Ryan was a bit more unlucky. Where other kids have caring nanny and grandparents to teach them since they were a baby, he went to thru a bad nanny who was more concerned about getting my kids to take care to earn more. I really regretted that I was so ignorant then. That's why I put more concentration on him and what he learns, my other two will pick up too. A good chain reaction.

The 1st time I sent Raymund to Enopi, he cried big time, refusing to get down from my car. Finally and very reluctantly, my maid followed him and his kor kor to Enopi. When I fetched him back, he was real happy. He had this little present from his teacher and he declared 'I like Enopi'. Must be the kids and the presents. They did assessment on him and so far, looks good.

The next lesson, he was all ready at the door waiting for me to fetch. Not bad.

I feel that Maths is very important. It is a prerequisite to a lot of studies later. Ryan though not as strong in other areas, he is top of class in Maths. It also helps to give the child confidence. One of my friends while visiting me saw how Ryan did his Enopi homework. He didn't even need to calculate. He just wrote his answers from line to line without hesitation. My friend was impressed. No doubt there is a certain amount of memory game here but Enopi does teach interesting methods to do Maths. Then, practicing over and over again to remember the answers. Nothing wrong with that. Coz like us adult, we don't even need to calculate simple maths. We just know.

I feel that Enopi is the right move for my kids. I'm not discounting the rest of Math enrichment like Kumon and Math Monkey. Just that I started them off with Enopi and I like the franchisee (owner of my sons' Enopi branch). It is important to know how good and caring the franchisee is, for obvious reasons.

My Sons First Days in School, My Eldest in Standard 1

I had a very nice 2 and a half week break but it's never long enough. My husband was also having a break at the same time. It was good. We had some quality family time, fixed up what needed to be fixed in the house. I felt it was a very fruitful break at least where my family is concerned. I extended my leave to cover the 1st week of Jan... naturally, it was because it was the 1st week of school.

Ryan is in Standard One this year and Raymund for the 1st time will be attending kindy alone. Quite a change and my husband and I were pretty worried, particularly with Ryan. You see, my kids are really 'bananas' or what the chinese will call banana people / 'siang jiau ren' which basically refers to people who are yellow on the outside (Chinese) and white on the inside (amoh). I speak excellent cantonese, but I'm totally hopeless in Chinese. But my husband is a Baba so his Chinese is also 'koyak'. Hence, home language is purely English. Why am I worried about Ryan? We sent him to Chinese school... there is no way I can help... and what's more his school is very strict and obviously very Chinese. Yak Chee has proven record and I was also told by some that if the kids do wrong, they will get caned. Sigh! Biting the bullet and looking on the bright side, he will get disciplined.

We attended Ryan's orientation on Fri 31Dec. Everything was in Chinese! Briefing and even between students and teachers. Ryan got scared and worried. I supposed it was also my fault. My worries had channeled to him. He lost confidence in his communication as everyone were speaking chinese and he wasn't familiar with money, how to buy food from canteen. He kept telling me over the weekend that he didn't want to go to the school. I realized then that we were giving him alerts on areas of his weakness rather than encouragement. Big mistake! We changed tacts. We started assuring him that we will accompany him on his 1st day and that his friend (neighbour's daughter) is his classmate. So, nothing to worry.

In the morning, we checked out Raymund at his kindy Year 5. He went to school in his school van and we went later. He was real steady. Playing with the toys and so forth. More so because his friends from Year 4 moved with him to Year 5. Gave him some hugs and assurance. We told him we will wait for him at home. Cool as cucumber!

Then we rushed back and took Ryan to school. The school is very strict. They let us stay till the students got to the classroom and then ask us to leave to come back during recess. And then leave again to come back later and fetch them back. Us parents ran about like monkeys on a rainy day (of all days!) but frankly, I'm very assured. Assured that the school knows what they are doing and the facilities are ok. Still worried coz all his classmates are fluent in Chinese. Not him.

My husband and I decided to watch by the side and guide in on his 1st day. He paid for his food. He went to find his seat. Washed hands after eating. All by himself. In fact, he was half ignoring us - very proud that he knew what he was doing. Ryan actually feels embarrass when his daddy and mummy goes to his school even when he was in kindy. Cute really. We let him try for himself and pointed out when he was not sure during recess. At the moment, I was quite pissed with other parents. They cut queue and elbowed their way through the Standard One kids and bought stuff for their kids. No doubt that they are worried but is that the way? My husband and I were then quite appreciative that the school was strict enough to shoo parents out. We were only allowed to accompany our kids on the 1st day, with so much restrictions. We decided not to fetch him back from school but to take his school van instead. The van was familiar to him as it was the same one he took to his kindy. Now guess who was worried after that :) My husband and I were out of the house waiting for the school van at 6:15pm till he arrived at 7:20pm.

He came home proud. Declared that he can now speak Chinese - flashed a few simple sentences in Chinese though it sounded like amoh. We played up that confidence and saying 'Wah, Ryan is big boy now and in Standard One'. Works :)

The next 2 days, we watched for depression and signs of unhappiness. So far, steady. People advised me to talk to him after school. We did, asking what he did, what his teacher did with him and if he made new friends ... again played up that being Standard One is something that he can be proud of. He was proud and said he likes his new school and he knows how to speak Chinese and English now. Not bad.

I know I have to continue to monitor him as 1st week is very light and easy. His usual tuition teacher is also on standby to help him. Chinese school is well known for homework and homework and homework. And they are all in Chinese. Sigh!

I'm not the only going thru this. I felt that the Indian and Malay parents I met in Yak Chee are very brave to put their kids in a Chinese school. Takes guts, plenty of it. I met a Malay father in school with his Standard 2 daughter who proudly told me that his daughter had 80% for his Chinese assessment last year. Gave me hope :) even though Ryan is not a very fast learner unless it is something that he is very interested in like science :) Talk about this later.

Going on next post and next topic now :)

Joanne