Standard 1 Blues! And worse, Chinese Primary school!

Yep! Primary Standard One blues! My son's or mine?! Both!!

If you have been following me, you will know that my children are pretty much bananas. Yellow on the outside and white on the inside. They speak English as their mother tongue. And guess what! I have enrolled my eldest Ryan into a Chinese school. I mentioned this before but the reality and the result of that reality hits now.

While I was deciding back then whether choosing a Chinese school for Ryan was a good decision.

Many advised me 'Aiya! Children are flexible and they pick up fast. Don't worry la!'

Taking a closer look, the ones who said that are often the older aunties or have no children or have children in Kebangsaan schools or that they speak Chinese at home.

Then I asked the moms who did just that. Those moms like me who can't read and write Chinese and whose kids are plain bananas. A different stories. Quite a few told me that after a year, they just pulled their kids out and put them in private schools. It was absolute misery for their children. They just couldn't follow. Others who took it through just said bite the bullet, it was tough but just continue. Very few did that.

Weighing and deciding was tough. We decided to put him to Chinese schools for 2 main reasons:

1. An additional language - Chinese - of course. And we speak English at home. I'm not gonna be worried that my son would one day say 'jilo' instead of 'zero'. I'll make sure of that!
2. The main reason. The system. The discipline. At least till Standard 6. I have simply no faith in the kebangsaan schools!

My mom was warning me. Watch out for signs. Signs of being bullied. Signs of depression. Anything. Manage it. And be really prepared that if it doesn't work, to pull him out later. We decided to rough it out with him for now.

The signs came. It was subtle. The signs of misery! Ryan started worrying. Telling things like he was worried that when his little brother Raymund joins him, he might get lost. The school is very big. I told to just ask the teachers if he gets lost. And when its Raymund's turn, he can take care of him. He told me he can't. He gets lost too. Ask the teachers, I said. 'The teachers speak a lot of Chinese. I speak a bit Chinese only'. Initially I thought he was just fooling around. When Monday came, he was crying very hard, sobbing in fact. He refused to get down the bus. Crying so hard that the driver had to call me and we had to get him back home. He kept saying that the school is very big and that he is scared of getting lost.

Boy, how could I concentrate on my work. The next day, I took my lunch hour and when to meet my son at the school's drop off area. He was happier. My purpose really was to speak to his teacher. Reading between the lines. I understand that he felt like he didn't belong in a big school and people are not speaking in his lingo. He told me he had no friends and no one to speak to. And he only understood little what his teachers were saying. Imagine! No friends. Can't speak! Big alien area! I felt very sad for my son! My husband was upset as well. But what choice do we have. Pull him out now? I decided to speak to his teacher.

I got his teacher to understand his fear. I asked his teacher's help to place him and sit with someone who can speak both English and Chinese so they can converse and he can also pick up Chinese. His teacher was good! Phew! Thought that settled. Ryan came back happier and better.

You see, if you know my son, he always tries to make me happy and always tries to please me. Has the matter settled? No. A week later, he kept asking me every day how many more days he needed to attend school before holidays or weekend breaks. He was doing a count down. I noticed that. I started using encouragement and praises that his Chinese was getting better. Clever boy, la di da! Then the blues again! Just this Monday. He started saying that he had no friends. Only 1 friend. And his teacher scolds him. Asked further. It was because he was not listening to instructions. Asked even further, 'Did you understand your teacher's instructions?' No!'. All these over the phone on Monday morning. I was working and freaking busy. Can't get away. But worried for my son. Told my mom about it and she decided to go to his school. Again!

This time, my mom spoke to the headmistress and the teacher. She got them to understand Ryan's fears. Got Ryan to speak to them as well in front of the teacher and headmistress. We then realized that his so called partner is not his friend, for whatever the reason. Kids!! They decided to help and told Ryan to choose his own partner. Then the teacher 'helped' him to make some friends. He came back happy saying that he has ten friends. My guess is that he has more than 1 and not really 10.

Gosh! Trauma! Mine!

It was hard to take your kid's suffering. My husband and I felt helpless.

My husband was asking me what to do. I just said what else. We still have to rough it through this first year and decide after that. He has to learn independence sooner or later. It is just that the language is not helping and there is this culture shock of being in a big school.

We just have to be cruel to be kind! Very Hard!

The headmistress mentioned that she had calls from many parents as well that their kids are 'scared' of the big school. Normal, since this kids just came from small kindies. The demand for Chinese school is so great nowadays. It is from all races... not just Chinese. Bottom line, the same reasons I have mentioned. There are over 100 Standard 1 students in my son's school. Imagine the sheer number. No wonder they get scared.

I keep a very close watch on Ryan still. He is still counting down to weekends. He still tells me that the school is big and that he is scared of getting lost. I told him that he is brave and a good boy. I know that it is tough but you can do it. Make a new friend everyday. Make a new friend today and tell me tonight. He tried. Lotsa praises and encouragement. Good boy!

Don't think the situation ends here. But hopefully, it gets better faster.

Next topic - exams! Coming right up ...

Cheers

Joanne