About Confinement & Confinement Ladies

The last thing you want when you've just given birth and recuperating is a

stressful confinement or a problematic confinement lady! Confinement is very important after birthing. When I had Ryan, I was so excited over a new baby in the family that I rested little and was very selective with my 'poh' herbs and food. It took me 6 months to fully recover! I was good (eerr... better la) when I was carrying Raymund and Rachel. All it took was just a month to be pink in health. So, advise, advise... especially for new mums ... resting enough and eating well is so important during confinement. Worry about health first. Worry about your figure and go diet much later. New mums have all the excuse in the world to be a bit more meaty ;) :). I used to retort on jibes (joking ones la) .. 'I just gave birth to a baby; what excuse do YOU have???' Ha-ha! Works all the time esp with men!

So, as I was saying, problems with confinement lady will NOT help at all! Recommendation and referral may help you get a better confinement lady (CL, for short). But do bear in mind, everyone's interaction with the same person may not be the same. One can get along with a CL and another may fight with the same person. At the end of the day, it takes two hands to clap. It is really all about communication and establishing an understanding with your CL who will be staying with you for a whole month! I went thru hell with my second CL but later established a middle ground with her to 'tahan' the rest of the month. How to get help half way thru my confinement?

Here are some pointers. Not professional advice - just little old me giving my 2 cents worth :)

1. Always establish an understanding with the CL during hiring. State what you expect her roles to be (esp if it goes beyond the usual - eg. washing and cooking for hubby and family) and what you are particular about. Get her agreement. Sometimes, they may up the fees if you require them to do more. Negotiate.
2. When she comes on board, spent a little time with her and again establish required chores, likes/dislikes and common understanding. My last CL was wonderful. We shared the same view - that is to lay down all that we thought and get a common understanding -- so that, no misunderstanding later.
3. Try not to get a CL who is too calculative. You will get headache throughout your confinement. Of course, it is hard to know initially. So, go on your gut feeling or ask your friends who refer you.. AND simply tell the CL not to be calculative. I did with mine :) Hehe!
4. If your baby is sleeping with the CL, do NOT allow her to lock the door at night. You do not want negligence, etc etc. Just firmly say that you want to check on the baby from time to time. But be understanding - try not to disturb your CL when she is resting. It is a very tiring and strenuous job and they are mostly older ladies.
5. You have to spot check .. tactfully. But don't go hostile unless there is a reason to. Remember that you need a peaceful and restful confinement.
6. Observe her pattern and how she manages you and the baby. If you have anything that you disagree with, discuss with her. Don't get stressed out about it.
7. Make sure that she is clean when handling the baby.
8. Make sure that she washes the bottles immediately after every feed esp at night. Use new clean bottles every time. My 2nd CL gave me nightmare about this!
9. Make sure that she cleans the baby properly after every feed. You don't want rashes on the baby's soft skin. I'm very particular about this.
10. When she cooks for you, she will know which herbs to give you at which time. Don't reject as some may be yucky to take (like freshly pound concentrated 'kunyit' juice - urghh!). Eat all if you want good health and fast recovery. I learnt this lesson from my 1st confinement.
11. Eat the quantity which your CL gives you if you can. Especially when you are breast feeding. Worry about dieting later.
12. If your baby is sick or not well, she must inform you immediately and don't play doctor. Some CL have traditional ways which they think they can cure the baby. Like in my case, Ryan's belly button was still wet and bleeding after a week. My CL applied sesame oil on the belly button. After that, his belly button swelled up bigger than a 50-cents coin. My doctor scolded her when we took Ryan for treatment. She meant no harm but ignorance is not bliss here :(
13. As I said, being a CL is no easy job. Lack of sleep. Full concentration required. Play your part and coorporate if it is reasonable to.
14. Lastly, get comfortable with your CL. Some can turn out to be great friends later just like my Rachel's CL :)

Given all these, you may still end up with a hardcore CL. Or just simple mismatch in chemistry.

At the end of the day, you have only 1-2 months to rest and recuperate. Just decide accordingly.

Hope this helps!